I’ve heard many men say “My wife wanted to be a stay at home mom and now she’s not happy. I just don’t get it. She wanted this!”
I’m going to say that most of the time, it’s really not what you bargained for. Being a mom is a lot harder than anyone realizes and when you volunteer to stay at home and raise your children, there’s no way to know just what you’re up against.
What if you work outside of the home? Different stress. Needing to be a million different places at once. Always behind the eight ball. Feeling like you can’t give your 100% to anyone. You pick up your kids from daycare and they’re on their worst behavior for you.
There are precious moments and there are moments that your child screams his head off because he wants the green cup, or the purple shirt that’s in the wash, or he doesn’t want the meal that you’ve prepared. And it’s fine and dandy to say “Hey enjoy these moments… they won’t always be this young.” While you’re in the moment, this is not comforting, helpful, or cute.
The STRESS of Mommin’ takes over!!
I can feel it right now. It’s a Saturday morning, I’m trying to work on my own things and my boss texts me about an ad that didn’t go out properly. He asks me if I know how to do them properly. Grrrrr……
What’s the answer to it all? SELF CARE! I need to be me in any circumstance. I cannot give so much to other people that I have nothing for myself. After I had my daughter, my friends decreased, my activities decreased, my hobbies decreased. Eventually I wasn’t exercising because I didn’t have the energy. I wasn’t going out during the day with friends because it was too indulgent. I would, however, go out at night. I didn’t realize until many years later that this was sapping my energy more than refueling me.
You have to get in sync with yourself again. What builds you up? What tears you down? If drinks with girlfriends at 10 pm only depletes your energy, then this is not on our list for self care. Maybe walking with girlfriends at the local track helps to build up your energy and mental clarity.
The goal in building yourself up is to have the self-confidence and self esteem to recover from things. If your energy supply is completely gone, you will not be able to recover from things whether they are big or small. A temper tantrum over a purple shirt could send you in a spiral for the rest of the day. And the loss of a loved one could send you into a spiral for years.
Find yourself again.
- Stop having guilt about getting a babysitter. Stop. The first time you get a babysitter just so you can go to the grocery store without your crying children, you will feel like a new woman! And guess what? Your children will enjoy little Christina from down the street so much that they’ll want her to come back again. No one loses in this situation. The kids get a change of scenery and so do you!!!
- If you try some things in the name of self care and they don’t make you feel like a million bucks immediately, don’t stop!! We don’t know how depleted your resources are. Start off with tried and true things that you know will make you feel good.
- Make a list of all things new and old that you enjoy: Reading, getting a massage, fishing, yoga, taking your dog for a walk, gardening, volunteering for the local museum or library, laying in the sun, watch the sunset, take a walk in the woods, buy yourself a bike and go riding by yourself or with a friend, take a class at the college, take a painting class.
- Remember, you can do these things alone or with a friend. Whatever is going to recharge the batteries! But don’t let someone else determine whether you will be able to succeed. If you were going to go out and your friend cancels on you, go anyway! Modify your plans, do what you have to do, but keep your date with yourself!
- Use this time in your life to accomplish things that you have always wanted to do, but didn’t do. If you always wanted to learn to play the guitar, take a lesson now! You don’t have to be a 6 year old child prodigy to take a guitar lesson. Google the nearest music shop and call to find out who gives lessons in your area. Piano lessons, acting lessons, singing lessons…. whatever you want to try, try it! Because as you work toward a goal for yourself, you will build your HAPPINESS, confidence, pride, self-worth, energy, etc.
- Make friends. If you have old friends, reach out to them. If your child goes to school or daycare, try to set up some play dates and get to know the mothers. Knowing women (families) with children the same age as yours can be a God send. Calling another mom up to go to the park, or splash pad, bounce house, etc. is a beautiful thing! This can and almost always does create life-long relationships with other mothers.
- Get off social media. Stop staying in your house and using social media as an escape. This may get you away from the kids in the short term but it’s not going to do anything for your long term healthiness. Social media will do nothing to build you up and leave you feeling happy, engaged and energized.
- If it doesn’t feel good, don’t do it. Only give your time to things that leave you feeling happy and replenished.
- Do things for yourself everyday. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. This is the only way to build up happiness for the long term. It can be a 10 minute facial, a 20 minutes walk, 30 minutes with your favorite new book, or an hour at the store by yourself. But make sure you do something everyday to replenish what feels good to you!!!
